I just recently turned 42 and I can’t even believe it. When you’re a kid you think, wow, 42, now that’s old. As you get older though you feel 42, wow, that’s a blessing. I am grateful for this upcoming birthday for many reasons but most of all for what I have learned these last few years.
When I turned 30, I thought I went through a shift especially because I was going through my version of Saturn’s Return during that time. If I could go back and tell my younger self this I would say “Girl, 30 is not even old so stop tripping”. To be honest I was still just a baby at 30, the only difference between 20 and 30 for me was that I was just a little bit more established. I also was willing to take more risks. I remember one time my company was going bankrupt and handing out layoffs left and right. I was booking a trip to Dubai like it was nothing. I didn’t not care, you hear me, I was going to live my life.
40’s Hit Differently for Sure
But 40? That’s a whole different vibe. 40’s got me in my feelings, doing deep self-reflection and reevaluating everything from friendships to finances. Maybe it’s because of my breast cancer journey, and that caused me to look at life in a new way, I admit life’s just hitting different. I’m finding myself Marie Kondo-ing my entire existence—not just my closet. If it’s not bringing me joy, it’s got to go. Jobs, relationships, even mindsets I’ve been holding on to for way too long—all of it’s up for a re-evaluation.
They say when you hit 40, your tolerance for nonsense hits zero—and they’re not wrong. I’m finally learning how to set boundaries with people, not because I’m mad at them, but because I’m learning to love myself more. Some of the relationship dynamics that I had are just not the types of relationships that I want to have with people anymore. I think my experience has taught me that I want to experience people and be in a relationship with people and not just go through the motions with people. Good communication, quality time and respect are some of the top qualities that I need from people who want to maintain relationships with me. I’m tired of being in relationships where I’m doing all the heavy lifting. If it’s not a two-way street, I’m hopping off that ride. I’m giving my time to people who actually want to build with me. And you know what? It’s been beautiful. The love I’ve found in reconnecting with love feels like home.
Now 40 has been different for sure and although it has been great it has also been very uncomfortable. My friends and I are losing friends, family members and most of our childhood celebrities are dying. I remember asking myself if my mom felt like this as she approached 40. I just don’t remember things being so hard back then. I do remember that like myself, my mom lost her mom at 40 which was a year shy of the age I was when I lost my mom. I felt more anxious than I did during my 40s because my breast cancer diagnosis and treatment triggered PTSD. Now I battle between the two versions of myself, the one that likes to take huge risks and the one that likes to play everything safe and keeps her head on a swivel.
Now, let’s get into it—dating. I do typically like to keep my romantic life private. Let me just say this, are we still using them dating apps? Whew, Chile. I’m convinced some of these men are on there looking to waist your time until they figure out if they want to date or a late-night “situation.” Not me, sis. I don’t have time to allow that type of toxicity in my life right now. I’ve retired from that app life for now because I’m not about to be out here getting humbled by men who barely know how to spell “accountability.” I’ve decided I’m no longer chasing relationships—romantic or otherwise. I’m done with the pop-a-balloon dating experience. If you know, you know.
This year, I’m finally ready to leave New York. I’m not gonna lie, it’s hard because NYC made me who I am. It’s where I’ve built so much of my life. But if I’m being honest, New York’s hasn’t felt the same since before Covid and even then I wasn’t really that happy. Too many days, I’m asking myself if I still love it here—and most days the answer’s “no.” It’s been real, but it’s time to prioritize my peace. In the new year I’m heavily planning to pack it up and leave. I want something different to experience. I’m chasing sunshine, a slower pace, and a chance to fully reinvent myself. I’ve outgrown survival mode—I’m ready to thrive.
The Courage To Change
Sometimes I’m torn between the part of me that’s a risk-taker and the part that’s a play-it-safe girl. That’s one of the biggest shifts that’s come with 40. I’m learning to trust myself more and bet on me. I’ve done hard things like the selling of my condo—even though I was scared to let it go—because my mental health matters more than how many properties I own. I’m not carrying around things (or people) that stress me out anymore. It’s not worth it.
I’m also learning to just do things scared. I’m not waiting to feel 100% ready—because if I’m being honest, that moment’s never gonna come. Sometimes courage looks like being afraid and doing it anyway. I’m not waiting for perfect circumstances. I’m out here re-constructing my life, designing something new, something beautiful.
My 40s: The Good, The Bad, and the Beautiful
If I had to sum up my 40s so far, I’d say this: it’s uncomfortable, but it’s also necessary. It’s growth, and it’s not always pretty. It’s the behind-the-scenes growth—the kind that happens when you’re ugly-crying, pulling yourself up, and choosing yourself even when it’s hard. It’s calling up your inner child, your current self, and your future self and saying, “We’re gonna figure this out together.”
Turning 42 feels like that moment on a home renovation show when they pull down the big reveal board and you’re like, wow, all that mess was worth it. I’m not done yet—far from it. But I’m proud of the woman I’m becoming. She’s setting boundaries. She’s letting love in. She’s choosing courage. She’s walking into rooms knowing she’s worthy of being there. She’s me, and I love her.
Here’s to 42—and all the magic that’s still to come.
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